What's Hot! Old News

Hey Fanz!

Hot enuff fer ya?

Feel the heat at
The Free Times Café
320 College Street (two blocks west of Spadina)
Sunday, June 19, 8:00 p.m. - 11:00 p.m.
with Gordon's Acoustic Living Room

No cover! No minimum!

Don't be cheated! Let the people decide!

Do you want to hear:

• The Single Non-Transferable Orchestra?
• Not The Single Non-Transferable Orchestra?
• The Single Transferable Non-Transferable Mixed Member Orchestra?
• The [CENSORED] Orchestra?
• The Last Unfair Orchestra?
• Wayne Smith and his band?

Hear them all at the
Public Forum on A Fair Voting System
Tuesday, June 21, 7:00 p.m. (sharp!)
Eastminster United Church
310 Danforth Avenue (at Chester)

and don't miss Steve Withers, charismatic (and successful!) Canadian crusader for democracy in New Zealand.

Product alert!

Both the dastardly Axes of Evil and the emergent Ray Baby and the Rusty Mustangs (or some such name) are currently in the studio putting it all down for posterity. Your Christmas shopping worries are over! Stand by.

Adze

Hey folks,

For those close by, you might want to come by the Pepper Jack Cafe in Hamilton this Friday, June 17th between 5 and 8 pm. I'll be singing my songs while you eat your dinner. Great food! Great drinks!

Come join me!

Janine

P.S. The record is two steps away from being here. Can't wait for you all to hear it!

Pssst! Have you heard this one?

The Cowboy and The Yuppie

A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry, and after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant." says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know anything about my business."

"Now give me back my DOG."