LITTLE IS KNOWN of the legendary prophet Ouaien, although much is rumoured, and much more is known to be false.

All we know is that he lived in Canada, (if, indeed, he ever existed at all), at the juncture of the second millenium and the third.

Was he a genius or an idiot? A profound source of eternal truth and wisdom, or pathetically banal?

Was he a revered magus, with thousands of devoted followers, or was he a pathetic recluse with throngs of delusions?

What remains of his teachings exists only as a few scraps of pretentious drivel, supposedly recovered by mistake by an automated data miner from an antique hard drive on its way from the junkyard to the scrap cauldron.

But no one knows the whereabouts of any such hardware.

As for his impact on history, his existence is largely unknown and mostly ignored.

Was he, as some claim, a time traveller? He certainly seems to have been in contact with a different reality.

EVEN MORE MYSTERIOUS is the anonymous Commentator, who decried the prophet as a sham and a twit. This brutal comment is typical:

"This is not Philosopy, it is Fillosophy - all you need is a shovel."

Ironically, although his intention is clearly to debunk, it is only because of the meticulous archiving of the cantankerous Commentator that the writings of OUAIEN are preserved to history at all.

And who the hell am I?

The Five Commandments

The Other Five Commandments

The Five Wrong Commandments

The Five Lost Commandments